Full of Suprises

So life really is full of suprises.  There was a time when I thought I had it all figured out. My life that is, I had a plan.  I was going to graduate from college and get married and make babies. It’s kind of embarassing to admit now, how much I thought I was ready to have kids and how I thought that in doing so I would be fullfilling my dreams.  Ha!  I even remember telling people I wasn’t going to Grad school because I was just going to have kids so what was the point? I just wanted to live in Vermont and be a mom.  Well, I did graduate from college and I did get married, so that much is true.  But then something happened. I sensed the possiblity for something more and I moved. My “train” completely derailed and I move to Maryland.  Shock! I wasn’t going to live in Vermont forever. Little country girl moved to the big city to be a teacher.  And teach I did, that first year it was all I thought about. I think any teachers reading this will know, the first year of teaching is about survival.  Now three years later I AM in Grad school and there are no kids in sight. You heard right, no kids and none in sight. So what happened to that dream? It’s still out there for sure, but moving to a more urban area made me realize that there is more in life that just raising a family.  Nothing against people who took that path, remember that was something I desperatly wanted a mere three years ago, but my path has changed.  My dream is bigger now. I want a Graduate degree, I want to experience new things and grow as a person before I give so much of myself and have children.  I’d like to think it’s not selfish at all but instead the greatest gift I can give my future children. I am figuring out who I am. What I concept since I thought I knew!!  That way, when the time comes, I can teach them to be strong and chase the best possible version of themselves. Do I miss that girl in VT? Sometimes, but I am excited to meet the new me.  I can try new things, learn without limitations, and suprise myself.  I learned that my life is not written out before me, I am writing it as I go.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Belle
    Feb 21, 2010 @ 04:32:24

    I totally agree with you in regards to the waiting to have children; I feel the same way. I think it’s great that you want to grow as a person first and experience all life has to offer before giving your life to a child, totally unselfish I think 🙂

    Reply

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